Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
