why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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