dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
