Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
