I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
