i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
