He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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