I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
