I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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