He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
zippers are such a cool invention
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
