Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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