Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
