2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if only i could text you this smell
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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