if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
