i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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