Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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