I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
