WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
