Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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