There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
