Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
