He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
