She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
