remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
