We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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