she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
