had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
