Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
