I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
