I just saw a hot homeless man
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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