i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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