The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
