Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
