Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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