I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
