Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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