and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
