i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
