so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
