well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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