That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
