got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
