I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize