It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
