i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
