I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
