apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
