all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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