Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
