Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
