Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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