My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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