Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
